During the height of the Cold War, Frank Wisner's Office of Policy Coordination — the CIA's covert operations arm — devised a psychological warfare plan that sounds like a rejected comedy sketch: airdrop thousands of extra-large condoms labeled "Medium" over Soviet-controlled Eastern Europe via weather balloons.
The logic was simple and brutal: if Soviet men found American condoms labeled "Medium" that were far larger than anything they'd ever seen, they'd be psychologically demoralized — convinced that American men were anatomically superior. The plan was part of a broader campaign that included dropping American toiletries behind the Iron Curtain to demonstrate Western superiority in every possible domain.
The plan was never executed. But the fact that it was seriously considered — by the same agency running covert operations in dozens of countries — tells you everything about how deeply penis size anxiety runs in male psychology. The CIA believed they could undermine an entire nation's morale with mislabeled condoms. And honestly? They might not have been wrong.
When Napoleon Bonaparte died in exile on the island of St. Helena in 1821, his personal physician Dr. Francesco Antommarchi reportedly removed the emperor's penis during the autopsy. The organ was given to a priest named Abbé Vignali, who administered Napoleon's last rites, and then smuggled to Corsica.
For over a century, the alleged penis changed hands multiple times. In 1927, it went on display at New York City's Museum of French Art, where a Time magazine reviewer described it as resembling "a maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace." Others said it looked like a "shriveled eel." It reportedly measured about 1.5 inches — though, to be fair, it had been desiccated and unpreserved for over a century at that point.
In 1969, it failed to sell at Christie's auction in London, prompting a British tabloid to run the headline: "Not Tonight, Josephine!" Finally, in 1977, Columbia University urologist Dr. John K. Lattimer purchased it for $3,000. He kept it under his bed and refused to show it to anyone. His daughter later inherited it and reportedly turned down a $100,000 offer. Napoleon's penis is believed to still be in Englewood, New Jersey.
The man who conquered most of Europe — immortalized for eternity by his allegedly tiny, desiccated penis sitting in a suburban bedroom. History is merciless.
President Lyndon B. Johnson was notorious for using every tool available to dominate negotiations — including, reportedly, his penis. According to multiple biographers and White House staff accounts, LBJ nicknamed his penis "Jumbo" and was not shy about referencing or displaying it.
Johnson was known for conducting meetings while using the bathroom with the door open, swimming nude in the White House pool, and allegedly exposing himself to aides and reporters while asking "Has Ho Chi Minh got anything like this?" Multiple historians have documented Johnson's use of physical intimidation — he was 6'3.5" and used his size aggressively — with his anatomy being just one more weapon in his arsenal of psychological dominance.
Whether these accounts are fully accurate or partially legendary, they've become inseparable from Johnson's historical legacy. The 36th President of the United States is remembered as much for "Jumbo" as for the Civil Rights Act.
Roman legionnaires wore fascinum — phallic amulets depicting erect penises — as protective talismans in battle. These weren't jokes or curiosities; they were deeply serious religious objects believed to ward off the "evil eye" (fascinum literally gives us the word "fascinate").
Phallic carvings were also embedded into walls, roads, and buildings throughout the Roman Empire. Pompeii alone has dozens of carved stone penises pointing toward brothels, baths, and taverns. Roman bridges often featured carved phalluses as protective charms against structural collapse. The erect penis represented divine masculine power, fertility, and protection — and the Romans took that symbolism seriously enough to build their entire military and civic life around it.
Grigori Rasputin, the mystic who wielded enormous influence over the Russian royal family before being assassinated in 1916, has been the subject of persistent legends about his anatomy. Multiple accounts claim his penis was removed after his murder and preserved.
In 2004, a Russian museum of erotica in St. Petersburg claimed to have acquired what it identified as Rasputin's preserved penis — measuring approximately 13 inches. The museum displays it in a glass jar of formaldehyde. However, historians and forensic experts are deeply skeptical. No verifiable chain of custody exists, and some analysts have suggested the specimen may be a sea cucumber or other marine organism rather than a human organ.
Whether real or fabricated, the Rasputin penis legend has persisted for over a century — proof that a compelling story about size outlives even the most rigorous fact-checking. (Sound familiar? That's basically how every size myth works.)
The Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik houses the world's largest collection of penises — over 300 specimens from 93 species of animals, including a 5.5-foot-long blue whale penis, a polar bear's baculum (penis bone), and, since 2011, the first verified human specimen.
Founded in 1997 by history teacher Sigurður Hjartarson, the museum started as a joke gift from a friend (a bull penis) and grew into a legitimate institution that now attracts over 30,000 visitors per year. It serves as an unintentional monument to humanity's fascination with penile anatomy — and a reminder that the obsession crosses every culture and century.
In Bhutan, a small Buddhist kingdom in the Himalayas, it's common to see large, colorful paintings of erect penises on the exterior walls of homes and buildings. These aren't graffiti — they're sacred folk art rooted in the legend of Drukpa Kunley, the "Divine Madman," a 15th-century saint known for his unconventional teachings and legendary sexual exploits.
Bhutanese tradition holds that phallic symbols ward off evil spirits, bring fertility, and protect against gossip and slander. Wooden phalluses hang from rooftops. Phallic paintings adorn doorways. The tradition is so embedded in the culture that it's considered perfectly normal — families paint them, temples display them, and tourists photograph them in the same breath.
In Bhutan, the penis isn't a source of anxiety. It's a protective symbol painted with pride on the side of your house. There might be a lesson in that.
Seven stories spanning 2,500 years and every continent, and the through-line is unmistakable: humans have never, at any point in recorded history, been chill about penises. They've been weaponized, worshipped, auctioned, preserved, displayed in museums, painted on houses, and used as instruments of Cold War psychological warfare.
The anxiety you feel about your size? It's not new. It's not unique. It's arguably the oldest insecurity in human civilization. The CIA thought they could destabilize the Soviet Union with it. The ancient Romans thought it could protect them in battle. Napoleon's endures as a relic in New Jersey.
The Real Takeaway: If the most powerful intelligence agency in history believed that mislabeled condoms could psychologically break an entire nation's men — then the cultural pressure you feel about your size isn't your personal weakness. It's a species-wide vulnerability that's been exploited for millennia. Understanding that context is the first step toward not letting it control you.
History runs on myths and insecurity. Data runs on measurements. See where you fall in the real clinical stats.
Get Your Real PercentileMental Floss. "11 Things You Didn't Know About America's Spymasters." (Frank Wisner / OPC condom plan)
Perrottet T. (2008). Napoleon's Privates: 2,500 Years of History Unzipped. HarperCollins.
Caro R. (2002). The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Master of the Senate. Alfred A. Knopf.
Wikipedia. "Napoleon's penis." (Chain of custody, Lattimer purchase)
Clarke JR. (2007). Looking at Lovemaking: Constructions of Sexuality in Roman Art. University of California Press.
Phallological Museum, Reykjavik. phallologicalmuseum.is